Those three and a half months ago our bedroom was quickly rearranged (thanks to my sister!) to accommodate the bed being brought in after Tim had been hospitalized just 2 days after completing his last radiation treatment. The day of the bed delivery we had 5 Lincare trucks in front of the house all at once to bring the bed, suction machine, feeding pump, and the new liquid food and supplies the doctor had changed Tim to. It was a lot of stuff all at once and a lot of people to take care of it all! I am sure the neighbors were wondering just what was going on at our house that day!
Some time ago the suction pump went back to Lincare but we remained with all the other paraphernalia still at our home. We have been operating in tight quarters in our bedroom with our bed squished into the corner and Tim's hospital bed lined up right beside it with a narrow walk way between the two. Once Tim was able to get out of bed more frequently we moved a recliner/rocking chair into the room so he could go from bed to chair even though it greatly limited what space we had. The important thing was that Tim had a functional and comfortable place to be during his recovery, not the decor of the room or the placement of furniture. And crowded though it was, it was Tim's space to heal in body and spirit; it was his place to return.
This time only one truck came but what a thrill to see it and know it was coming to retrieve something that symbolized Tim's journey into darkness and back again. It signaled one more step taken on our journey through cancer...our return to what was once so normal. While we have had many new normals, some things are gradually making a return and what a sweet return it is.
Luke 8: 39
"Return to thine own house, and shew how great things God hath done unto thee..."
Yes, Tim has returned and little by little our life is returning.
Some things will always remained changed by cancer from now on but not every thing. With the passage of time comes the return of many familiar things. Among the sweetest returns have been the return of Tim's voice ~ he barely could speak at all for quite some time and even when he began to talk again he couldn't for very long because of the pain. I never anticipated him losing the ability to speak during his treatment. I know now that there were many things that I did not anticipate as we ventured into cancer. There were many nights I cried over missing the sound of his voice, over missing our talks, missing hearing him pray, missing hearing him say "I love you" (although I did get to recognize the throaty noise he would make in the rhythm of "I love you") :) Many nights I cried over missing something as simple as his arms wrapped around me or him just laying by my side. I felt so lonely for him during those days and my loneliness was compounded by exhaustion. But he is back and his return is sweet.
I have often heard it said how we can personalize scriptures more when we insert our name when we read a verse. I came across this scripture and smiled when I put Tim's name in it....
"And it came to pass, that, when ~Tim~ was returned, the people gladly received him: for they were all waiting for him.
Yes, I was waiting and he has returned.