Monday, March 2, 2009

Waking The Sleeping Tiger...

Tim had a really hard weekend. He is feeling so miserable and has expressed more than once how he is not sure how he can do another two weeks of radiation. He is in so much pain, struggles to sleep, and is tied to the clock, medications and the IV pole to eat every few hours.

Today he saw the doctor after radiation and it was a good thing. Dr. K put him on several medications for things that are being a problem. Along with that his skin, particularly on the left side where the strongest radiation is delivered, is blistered and so red and irritated. Day after day his skin continues to be burned. I can only see the outside -- I cannot imagine what it would look like in his throat. Even water going down burns him now.

As the appointment was wrapping up Tim said to the doctor, "Are you thinking about backing out yet? 'Cuz I am!" To that Dr. K said, "We cannot stop. The radiation is like waking a sleeping tiger. You HAVE to make sure the cage is strong enough."

All day I have thought what if the "cage" isn't strong enough? What if the tiger has been awakened but can't be contained? That fear lies within me. It seems that we can never be really sure that we've made the cage strong enough. How do you ever know? I don't think you do and that is the relentless uncertainty that cancer introduces into your life.

1 comment:

Vest Family said...

My eyes are trying to hold back the tears right now. I wish I was there to offer a hug. Jason and I pray that all of you will have as much comfort that Heavenly Father can give you. Our prayers will intensify and continue to be with you.