Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sometimes I Forget...

Over the months since Tim's cancer diagnosis there have been so many feelings and emotions that have been swirled into each day. Some days felt crushing; some felt paralyzing; some where filled with despair.

Then there were days that gave us a glimpse of angels, days that just seeing the sun brought hope, days that we smiled...even through tears.

Some of those days felt like they were so long ago even though, according to the calendar, it has been nearly 6 months. In the span of a lifetime that is not long at all, but in the throes of cancer the passage of time seems to shift, making days feel lengthened beyond their 24 hours and time is blurred.

When Tim's diagnosis of cancer came in December, the winter felt like it would be never ending. It felt impossible to think that by spring Tim would be on the other side of radiation. It seemed too far away to even feel like it could happen. Sometimes in the throes of winter, spring feels as though it will never arrive but when it does the warming sun reminds us it was waiting in the wings to make its appearance although we forgot it was there.

So now it is spring and Tim is mending slowly and most days our life seems almost "normal", making us able to occasionally "forget" we have cancer. It is such a blessing to be able to have moments to be able to "forget". Of course, there are things that are a part of our "new normal" and may well be for a long time but even those things don't scream "CANCER" anymore..they just are. And accepting that is one more blessing on the broken road we are traveling. Thankfully we are traveling that broken road together and it is together that we can sometimes forget that we have cancer.


Patty said...

I am glad you are getting some relief from the strain of all that is cancer. But I also know that while we as human being resist change, change we must, and finding a "new normal" comes much more often in our lives than I care to experience, and yet, when looking back, we can see how we have grown. So, we just trust our path. And you are doing a great job!

Patty said...

No puppy for us, but they are darned cute when they are puppies! I just want to play with someone else's!

Kauti Nicholls said...

You guys are so amazing and so strong.

Thanks for letting your son hang out with Josh and Caleb last weekend. Caleb just adored Jacob and followed him everywhere--very sweet. They had a great time with him!