Tuesday, June 8, 2010

P.O.A. = D.O.A.

So I've been threatening to write this post for months now. I've known the title of it for a long time. I could feel it stirring for even longer.

In case there is even any question, this post would be one NOT to show to my parents, thank you.

Last November I was made P.O.A. Before then I couldn't have even told you what that stood for. Now I know it like the back of my hand and wish I didn't. Power. Of. Attorney. I knew what D.O.A. stood for long before last November. And over the past months I have decided that in my book, P.O.A. and D.O.A. are about one in the same.

P.O.A. doesn't sound like a bad thing. And truthfully, it probably isn't if you don't have a complicated situation like I have with my parents. There are too many details and complications to name -- just trust me on this one. You are just better off not knowing all the details. *I* would have been better off not knowing all the details. But that just hasn't been the case.

Over the past 7 months I have laughed at the absurdity of so many things, and cried at the sheer volume of things that I had on my P.O.A. To-Do list day after day. This has dragged on for 7 months.

Did you hear me?

S-E-V-E-N M-O-N-T-H-S!

I have faxed paper after paper to place after place. I have written letters, explained things and re-explained things, made phone calls, written more letters, mailed letters, checked balances, received phone calls, spoken with people that are as unhelpful and rude as they come. In general, I have spent an inordinate amount of time all on and in behalf of the dreaded P.O.A.

I am tired of it. I feel cranky about it. I cry about it, complain about it, and even think bad things about it and occasionally say bad things about it. And, it changes nothing.

With aging parents come things that all of us would rather not deal with. I would have loved to go on my merry way merely dealing with my own little life. So why do I do it? Simply because it is the right thing to do. No matter the past grievances or the muddy history there is an obligation; an obligation to do something for someone that they cannot do for themselves.

I like to search the scriptures for things that apply to me; things that help me see a higher purpose in my earthly experiences, things that can remind me that perhaps my experiences are not so much about whether I like what is happening to me as it is about how I choose to respond. So I go to the scriptures seeking wisdom, comfort and solace.

"But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased." Hebrews 13:16

"And thou shall do that which is right and good in the sight of the Lord: that it may be well with thee..." Deuteronomy 6:18

"Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it."
Psalm 34:14

So, while I just want to wake up one day to no faxing, no mailing, no P.O.A. related phone calls, no surprise letters in the mail, no emails and no conversations about P.O.A. and no thinking about P.O.A., I also want to do what is right and good. I hope that in some small way that is what I am doing...doing good, seeking and pursuing peace, even if it is within myself.

*The picture in this post makes the family laugh because we are quite sure that our mother meant to write WARRANTIES on the folder, not WARRANTS! At least that is what we are all telling ourselves! And how many people have a file folder labeled "Police Reports"? We think this would have been more appropriately labeled Accident Reports. :)


Debbi said...

I know that things have been very difficult and very crazy for over the past S E V E N M O N T H S, and I have to say that you are a stronger person than I am, I am not sure that I could handle all that you have and with such grace.
If Bill or I can do anything please let us know.
Hang in there!!

Dotti said...

Wondered when you would get around to this one, VENT GIRL VENT! You are doing what is right and good, at some point this too shall come to an end. Until then just do the best you can and know my shoulder is always here, and I will "continue" to do all I can to help on this end.

Patty said...

You never know, this may be a means to an end. You were wondering about going back to school, maybe law is the answer!!!!

Hang in there!

Loretta Valenta said...

Dotti~ you have gone above and beyond to help me and I really do appreciate it. I don't know what I would have done without your shoulder to cry on and your paper towels. You have been an interceptor, a carrier pigeon and a therapist all wrapped up into one!

Be careful giving me permission to vent -- you never know what that will bring! HA! ;)

Loretta Valenta said...

HA! Funny Patty! Not on your life! :)

Dotti said...

Anytime, u know that, bring it on! My supply of paper towels is never ending, consider yourself HUGGED!

ionamin-W8FW8 said...

Loretta, what you need is a couple of CLONES of yourself! How well I can relate. May the Lord bless you for doing the right thing. I know He will...
Dinae J.

Sierra said...

I am afraid you are where I will be twenty years from now. I deal with desire vs. obligation all the time with my family. It is so hard because I feel like I should WANT to do the right thing, but I don't want to. But yet I still do it anyway. Does that count? By the way, in my family, I would not question the folder titles for one moment...

Loretta Valenta said...

Sierra ~ I think it counts MORE if you don't WANT to do it but you do it anyway. (At least that's what I tell myself.) :) And your comment about not questioning the folder titles made me laugh! :D

Don and Robin Cooper said...

Us humans are more alike than not...that is why we are truly brothers and sisters! Hang in there! Many of us can relate and sympathize.